…and a far off memory.
I found this email from a friend from a few years ago and decided I would share it only because I feel that we all may be able to read this story of a time, a place and a Monday and understand the feeling. Don’t tell anyone, but I edited the original email to give it some life, I am playing editor haha!
It may be a little depressing (I’ve warned you!!) but I feel that we’d be lying to ourselves if we always feel happy and excited about the jobs we do in order to live.
There is no express point to this post except that I really wanted to share this story because it made me feel something and I quite like feeling 🙂
I just got out of my Monday morning department meeting – that was fun – now I am going to get some breakfast and heat up a tea that I have at my desk.
Sometimes when I think about working I want to hide under a rock.
There are so many system problems. It makes the job tough and tiring because I always have to be thinking about what might go wrong if I push this or that button on my keyboard. And there never seems to be an answer, so we push the button hold our breath and wait for something to break.
Usually 9 times out of 10 something breaks.
Then we have to find a fix and finding fixes isn’t very quick. Usually because nobody really knows how all the systems and code interacts with each other.
This creates angst because unfortunately time is money and deadlines that are outside our immediate control must be met.
So today is one of those days where I just feel like holding my breath all day – hoping that I am still alive at 5pm when I will allow myself to breathe again.
I know there are all kinds of problems and things on the verge of breaking. Some things are already broken and I just don’t know it yet, but I will find out about them in a day, a week or even a month or two from now.
Someone will come along and be disappointed and upset about a problem that we never knew existed.
They will demand an explanation and a fix.
The explanation will take about 2 days to put together. First I’ll have to realize the problem buried deep inside the code that another department likely changed and is now affecting our program. Then another day to find out how to fix the problem and 8 times out of 10 there will be no easy, zero cost solution.
This will create angry looks and finger pointing because there is no budget to fix it but it must get fixed so the show can go on. I’ll try to stay confident and defend my staff and uphold the integrity of the department.
It feels like an old decaying cloth that is fraying and we are grasping at all the peices flying away in the wind with every forceful gust.
I’ll feel like crying, but I wont – I will work on being persuasive and finding a solution.
It will make me really exhausted – all the energy gone, for one more penny, one more dollar and one more day.
I am so tired from thinking.