The Crew and I

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The two Lufthansa flight crew stood like statues, only their faces showing their amusement at watching me walk from the gangway onto the plane.

At the very step where I had to cross the threshold I decided to multitask and turn the data off on my phone. While doing this I lost depth perception and I made a very large, albeit graceful step onto the plane.

I realized what I had done and looked to see if the flight crew had noticed and of course they had!

Busted.

I laughed my boisterous North American laugh, they shared their well structured German laughs and that just made me laugh more.

The one flight member asked me if I’d do the step again, it was so well performed, natural even! 

As I made my way past them one crew member made a comment about the need for laughing.

I turned, smiled, laughed and said, “I am good at laughing!”

To which he replied, “Well in that case, Welcome Aboard!”

Did I mention how much I love zeGermans and their quiet, direct humour!  Can I stay on Frankfurt!

The Floorman

I am not sure if I promised to tell the second story from my floor searching adventure, but I’ve decided it is time to write it out.

After receiving solid husband finding advice, I stumbled upon my future husband?!

The first problem is he is definitely not German. Why do I know this? He has dark skin, he looks Arabic, and he is working at a hardwood flooring store. I don’t know, it just seems Germans would likely be more of the manufacturer than the sales person. Doesn’t successful selling include some emotional connection between seller and buyer?

It started out very similar to my conversation with Antonio the Italian.

“How can I help you today?”

“Well, I am looking for either laminate or engineered hardwood for my condo project. I am looking specifically for Walnut or Acacia wood/finish. Do you have anything like that here?”

He said yes and directed me to the back corner of the store. This should have been my sign.

He showed me what he had available, pointed out his “best-seller”.

“I’ve put this in many condo’s all over Toronto. It looks really good. You live in Toronto?”

“Not exactly, I live just on the border of Toronto.” And I told him the general area.

“Oh that’s great, that’s close to downtown Toronto, you can easily get into town and it’s nice for hanging out. Like I’ve said, I’ve sold a lot of this flooring to condo owners in Toronto.”

Why was this man so obsessed with Toronto? I hardly EVER go downtown Toronto. Don’t get me wrong, there are some really cool spots in Toronto, but it isn’t the center of the Universe. Munich is – doesn’t he know this!?!

He pulled the four plank wide sample from off the wall and laid it on the floor. We stood there staring at it. He started getting restless at my continuous concentration that was directed squarely at the sample on the floor.

“What can I help you with?”

“Well, I am torn. This laminate is a good price but it just seems really shiny and unlike clothes, boyfriends and couches, once I install my floor if I don’t like it I can’t return it. I am stuck with it unless I sell my place. I am just not sure.”

“Let me get you a sample from the back you can take it home and think about it.”
“Sure that sounds like a solid plan.”

Before he procured me a sample we were interrupted by an older gentleman. He opened up the front door, peered into the store and asked, “Do you have a cigarette lighter?”

The salesman looked at me. I scrunched up my face and wondered to myself, do you think I have a lighter?! After a few awkward seconds the salesman reluctantly reached into his pocket and produced a red lighter and handed it to the old fellow.

“You can keep it.”

“Oh no, I just need to light my cigarette.”

Keeping the door opened a crack with his upper body the old man turned his face and cigarette towards the street and lit up. Success and with his left hand he gave back the useful and most convenient lighter and left as quickly as he arrived.

“That was odd. He could have just kept the lighter.” Said the salesman, pretending he wasn’t a smoker.

He forgot about getting me a sample, pulled out his phone and started punching away. I wasn’t sure what he we doing so I kept staring at the sample laying on the floor.

After a few moments, the salesman lifted his head and declared, “With installation, flooring, under pad, and baseboard I can get your floor down for $2,000.”

Hmmmmm, I think to myself. That sounds like a good deal but that means this floor is likely not even a mediocre laminate. It is most likely a terrible laminate. Not to be deterred I ask, “Is that painted baseboards and how wide would the baseboards be?”

“They wouldn’t be painted and 4 inches wide,” he paused and said, “I could throw in 5 inch baseboards.”

“5 inch baseboard,” I gasped, “How wide is 5 inches!!!” I asked incredulously.

It wasn’t lost on him. He smirked, did his best not to laugh out loud and walked over to the wall and said, “I’ll show you 5 inches….”

And I was pretty sure he just might.

Now you may think this is the end of the story but it’s really only the beginning. There may not really ever be a worthy ending, but there certainly is a hilarious middle.

Another post for another day.

For now I must go pick up my 4 1/2 inch wide German engineered plank flooring from the other man I actually purchased from. As for promised 5 inch baseboards, I am holding out for 6, 7, 8.

On Selecting Flooring and Future Husbands…

Two weeks after the Condo flood, it’s time to start thinking about choosing a suitable flooring to cover my cement floors.

I didn’t think looking for flooring would be so stressful and funny. So far I have visited 7 Stores in 3 days.

Typically this is how the conversation starts off:

“Welcome, can I help you?”

“I am looking for flooring for my condo and I am looking at engineered or laminate.”

And with that the sales person shows me their samples and off I go looking for something I like.

There have been two worthy encounters to blog about with two separate sales people at two different stores that had me laughing.

Why?

Both had nothing to do with flooring and everything to do with … My future?!

Here’s for the first and funniest of the two:

“So you look like you are from Europe, what country are you from?” Inquired the middle aged sales man.

I laughed, “I am Canadian, my ancestry is from a little all over.”

That wasn’t satisfactory, “What countries?” He pried again.

“Well mainly Ireland, Scotland and Switzerland.”

He nodded and looked at me expectantly. Should I be saying something more? After a minute of awkward silence he broke down and asked, “Where do you think I am from!”

Sooo that was what this was about, him and his needs! Ah ha! I know how to handle this one I thought to myself.

“Well I am going to guess Italy?”

“That’s correct,” as he puffed up his chest as big as it would go while doing his best to stand a little taller to match my height, “I am from the North.”

“Good to know?!” I said quizzically. I wasn’t so sure what I was suppose to do with this information.

He carried on with his banter about Europe and more specifically Germany. “Have you ever been to Germany.”

“Actually yes, surprisingly, and I loved it so much I’d consider moving to Munich.”

“Really, well that should be simple”, he paused and continued with his grand plan for my future, “You need to go back to Germany, find a German man, tell him you want to move to Germany and he’ll for sure agree to marry you!”

Ummm really?! It’s THAT simple?! Has this guy been hacking my email recently because that WAS my plan!! LOL.