The other night I had the pleasure of participating in a good conversation with a man over coffee. I’ve had conversations with many people in the past…30 plus years, but I have never had a conversation with a scientist.
Besides being a gentleman and having a great smile, I was thrilled to discover that he has a +300 library of books! This has nothing to do with the blog, I just think it’s pretty amazing and frankly I am a little jealous about the number books and that he’s read them all – I didn’t tell him that but I am telling you here. He may have been able to detect a little green if he was looking closely but who’s to say for certain.
In any event, at one point in the conversation, likely near the end, we got chatting about relationships, “damaged people” and my personal favourite “the spark”. I secretly wish this part of the conversation had of come up earlier only because it is much more fun to talk about it when I am not in the early stages of sleep and creating beta waves but we did have a what I’ll call a partial conversation on said topic.
Before we get to discussing, and my apologies in advance to those who are seeing this twice (but that is how funny I have found it), this past week The Globe and Mail published the following article: “More women choosing careers because they can’t find a man?” I found the article rather amusing, more importantly the comments section sent me into hyperventilating laughter so much that my condo neighbour knocked on the wall – something about calling 911?! The comment with the highest score says the following “Maybe somebody should tell her that everything women do is for men, or to be like men.” I am so happy to report all our decisions have now been explained 🙂
Ok, so back to the discussion, let’s talk about “the spark”. This one is my favourite because this just seems like such a fun buzz word that holds the meaning to a fulfilling relationship right? Now I will talk mostly about the female side of this perception only because well…I am female and although I have opinions about the male side, perhaps we’ll have some men to comment on their views – here’s to hoping for brave souls.
It is safe to say that how men and women choose relationships with each other has changed dramatically since the start of the 20th century. Now I am no expert, but from what I can tell from listening to stories from grandparents, parents, that a high number of relationship’s came about because of convenience and abilities of their life partner ie: can they cook, clean, raise 14 children, bake 20 loaves of bread in a day, use an axe and whatever other physical duties needed to be performed…I won’t list them all haha.
Today, for the most part, we are looking for “the spark”. I am not really sure what the spark is supposed to do, but I imagine it is supposed to light an everlasting fire that never goes out. There are three major items that comprise to make “the spark” and combined together are essentially supposed to light the elusive concoction of “True Love”. At this very moment a vivid image of Billy Crystal mocking the very phrase in “The Princess Bride” comes to mind 🙂
So, in my professional female opinion the three sparks that make up this “True Love”:
The Physical spark is many different things to different women from the size of a man’s hands (yes apparently an everlasting relationship can be dependent on one’s hand size!), height (I admit, I am found guilty of this one), arms, legs, shoulders, hair, skin colour, eye colour, size ( 😛 ) and as you read my list, you get the point, it is a long list of physical points that are apparently an important ingredient to everlasting love and joy!
The Verbal spark are things like “you are the most beautiful women”, “you have a great smile”, “you are smoking”, “I can’t wait to share that bottle of wine”, “I enjoy spending time with you”, “mmmm, I haven’t met anyone as beautiful and amazing” and the list goes on.
The third and last is the Action spark. Now the Action spark is the one that is excused the most frequently and discounted, these are the action’s men do in response the how they feel about a woman. It’s the one that women often feel isn’t really valid but the Action really is the validator of the Physical and Verbal; however often times this last action gets lost in the woods because it can be so complex, it means relying on one’s senses. Now to validate this action, it all comes down to the gut feeling and as Mr. Cusack so famously expressed in “High Fidelity” – “Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” If you haven’t seen the movie 20 times over, then you are missing out! Or save the 113 minutes and go to IMDB and read the best lines🙂
You see, there is a weighting system for each of the three items that make up the spark. The Physical, I am guessing since the research hasn’t come back yet, has 50% weight, the Verbal is 30%, the lowly Action Spark is 10% and 10% miscellaneous (I am sure I am over simplifying!).
As you can imagine, this greatly affects the outcome of relationships. The Action many times is excused with devastating results. What we women sometimes fail to learn however, is that if we are really looking for “True Love”, we need to change our weighting system and look for things that matter beyond the hands, the feet, the nose, the hair line.
It is safe to say the thrill of dating men and ignoring the Action can be exciting, fun and a little like standing on the edge of a cliff. The problem is when we do fall, it hurts and well, can make for some “damaged” goods haha which brings us back to the original conversation and a topic that makes my head hurt a little.
To sum it all up, Relationships are not absolutes and well finding the right partner using the new 21st century dating roadmap can be rather…elusive 🙂 Here’s to all the single boys and girls and to finding the right mix of the “spark” and finding “True Love” and exchanging our shitty guts for something that is a little more….shall we say….pleasant!