Oh America…

Oh America…

Its 104°F, 40°C. Its a dry heat. I imagine this is what Arizona should feel like.

I wonder what it would be like to stare into the Grand Canyon, to ride a donkey to the bottom and camp between the rocks. One day perhaps but today I am not in Arizona, instead I find myself in the mid-West experiencing atypical summer weather.

One thing I like about America, when visiting it is good manners to act like an American, walk like an American and above all eat like an American: lots and lots of Mexican inspired food – La Piedad, The Tamale Place, La Parada, Tortas Guicho Dominguez y el, El Camino Real, Riviera Maya Bar & Grill, Puerto Vallarta, El Rodeo, La Hacienda Mexican, La Hacienda Mexican, El Jaripeo, El Meson, Adobo Grill, Margarita Grill, El Rodeo, El Sol de Tala Mexican, Tijuana Flats, Guadalajara Grill Mexican, El Meson, El Puerto de San Blas, Chile Verde Mexican, Casa Grande Mexican Grill, Cancun Mexican, Qdoba Mexican Grill, El Camino Real, El Jaripeo, Tequila Sunrise Mexican, Mi Pueblo, Los Toros, El Nopal, Lucero’s Mexican Restaurant, Little Mexico, Red Habanero, Carniceria Guanajuato‎, Los Cotorros Mexican, Pancho’s Taqueria, Friaco’s Mexican Restaurant, Cancun Mexican, Revolucion, Las Chalupas Mexican, Abuelo’s, Fiesta Ranchera, Chipotle Mexican Grill to name a few…

I might be unrecognizable by the time I arrive home and a little confused; shouldn’t I be wearing a sombrero while eating my over-stuffed burrito instead of this cowboy hat?

While on this latest American adventure, I asked myself why I like coming to America. It partly has to do with being able to see my family, but it is more than that.

Is it the extra large portions? The overwhelming number of retail stores that stock everything you could possibly imagine? The specialized stores such as: The Anaesthesia Pain Clinic, the Animal Dermatologist, Hemrhoid Clinic? Or is it the Red Vines Licorice that tastes a little certs?

Whatever you could want, literally you can have and I haven’t yet deciphered why I have a crush on America, but I do.

On this trip I ended up in a giant baby warehouse and here is what I found:

A CD full of songs. Not just any songs. Songs that have your “Childs name in every song”! This is where my parents went wrong, if only I could have had my own Hip Hop CD shouting out my name every third word. I would have been a much more self-absorbed child and why isn’t Rihanna sayin’ my name too!

The sheer selection. I mean honestly which stroller would you buy? And can I try each of them out, maybe have a turn around the store? What you close at 10pm, but I have 8 more strollers to try.

Forget about ME checking out Arizona and the Grand Canyon, a book on the 500 places to take your kids before they grow up.

Lastly, and this IS my favourite, the DOUBLE breast pump.

The double breast pump isn’t just convenient for feeding your child, it also doubles as a way to increase work productivity.

Not only does productivity increase while having both breasts milked by a machine, it increases endorphin production. You know the natural opiates that make us extremely happy and smiling.

This is the medical establishment’s best kept secret to solving North American Women’s productivity issue’s and postpartum depression, the double-breast pump, I mean that’s what this packaging says, no?

What would make a new mom more happy than to have a suction cup attached to each of her breasts, squeezing out prime breast milk while she create’s a Sales presentation for the next day’s executive meeeting?!

I think I’ve just been convinced to have a child!

4 thoughts on “Oh America…

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